Tuesday, July 12, 2005

 

Well well well......... Hahahahahahaha.
back! Well, not really. I just wanted to see if i could remember the password and username. guess I did. Maybe I'll update as well.

So whats new... hrm. well if you were an avid reader of this blog.. and refused to read anything else.. then it would be too much to explain.. but then again, if you read nothing but my old assed blog, then you best kill yourself b/c there's something seriously wrong with you.

anyways,

Whats new in the news... hrm...

1. Almost done school: Five weeks left.. .. then i am finished.. and then i'm in a shitty spot.. b/c then i'll have no more metis cheques to get me by. Which ultimately means getting a job.. I'm not very good at that. I dont' wanna work in a kitchen...:( and i don't wanna cut my hair and take out my peircings... i really don't... ah well. i have 5 more weeks of putting this idea into the back of my head.

2. In the world of music: This is fucked. I've been trying for the past 4 years to get a band going, with no luck. Supposed to jam with tonnes of folk... never happened. I was getting quite discouraged. Then this summer... well more specifically, these past few months, lots of opportunities. Once pete gets his bass rigged back up, i'm supposed to jam with him, which would be really fucking cool. I'm supposed to meet up with some chick that does ballet and wants to do some kinda psychobilly thing, which could be really cool. I've been jamming with pike, and thats been going really well, something will definately come from this I think. We played together before, so it's not hard for us to get to the same page quickly, we just need to organize.. which is easier said than done, and finally, I got asked to try out for the position of 'Bowel Slugger' for Eliese's ex-beau's band Wohedness. So i 'auditioned' haha.. well not really but i jammed with the guitarist.. or well.. 'blasted' in their language, and I think it turned out well, i learned three of the songs from their released album, and tomorrow he's coming back to run through them again, and on friday I get to jam with them in the jamspot with their drummer, if all goes well there, then hopefully i'll get the job. haha.

now this is crazy. I can remember when i was uneasy around john, mainly b/c he is my girls ex, and they were together for almost 5 years... and well, i guess my human instinct said uh-oh to having him around, or when they hung out... irrational and crazy of me? well yeah.. but i never claimed to be sane.. but as he came around more.. well we started to get along, and now I don't mind him around at all, he's a funny guy. This is also extremely funny to me b/c i'm not a huge fan of death/grind metal... the gutteral vocals and 'grind' drums used to bother the fuck outta me. i'm a little snot nosed punker.. not a metalhead or whatever. but when it comes right down to it... music is music, and well.. i must admit.. it grows on ya.. haha. I've been listening to the Wohedness cd over the last week, and it's good shit.. I'm lookin' foward to jammin' out on it. I'll make sure to keep posted on the progress of it all, and if it all works out.

3. 1,500 sheep commit suicide.. or well 450 sheep commit suicide and 1050 attempt: I shit you not. Pike showed me the news report today... somewhere in Turkey... one sheep decided that life was too hard and jumped offa cliff! Well, i guess there's a reason as to why trendy fuckers are called sheep, b/c as it goes... 1,500 of the other sheep followed suit and jumped as well! craziness. Only 450 died though... this is kinda morbid when you think about it.. but funny at the same time.... What had happened is that as more and more sheep pumbled to their certian doom.. the pile of dead sheep carcass' piled up... and it piled up so high that after the 450th sheep, the rest of the landings were cushioned by the huge pile. Wow.. i wonder if they give out darwin awards for sheep! hahaha.

am i sick to find this humorous?

anyways, i guess this gives a new meaning to the old phrase "if johnny jumped off a bridge, would you too?"

haha... in the land of sheep.. i guess the answer is yes.

and even more about this (yes i know... it's weird for me to find this topic ever so interesting) the news statement said something about how the shepards were blown away by this event... watching the sheep jump... so WHY the fuck didn't they do something? I mean.. saving one sleep.. i can see that being hard.. even a couple hundred of 'em could be tough... maybe those little fuckers were fast as hell.. but 1,500 of them?!!?!?!?!?! I mean.. come on.. they could have ran and tried to stop at least a few of 'em..

ah well.. thats enough of that..
so thats the news in the world of trav for tonight..

Travis posted this at 8:10 PM.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

 

well well well.. it's been a long muthafuckin' time eh? .. well holy shit..
hahaha.. know why?
i gave up on this sucka...
If anyone does in fact read this bitch.. and are interested in my life and blabblings.. then head your asses on down to:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/twatis/
there ya go... how do ya like dem apples...
so this may just offically be my last blog here on blogspot.. maybe.. hrm.. we'll see.. but until then.. go to the live journal will ya? you muthafucker's you.
seacrest out!
bitch.

Travis posted this at 5:38 AM.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

 

So a lot has happened to me since i last posted... I dont even know where to begin really...
Life is changing... well.. i'm trying to change it.. and it's really odd.. taking everything you thought your life was going to be and completely revamping it is no easy task at all...
I'll start from the start with this one.. yet i won't include everything...
As it turns out... depression.. or some form or it seems to have kicked back in.. and after numerous visits to head and body doctors... well.. i have to make changes..
I may not be returning to commerce at smu in the fall .. I start on anti - depressants tomorrow... and i have to attend a few follow up appointments with both the school therapist missy.. as well as the school clinic.. I"m gonna start on some pills for my 'IBS".. if thats what i have.... I feel closer to my parents... especially my father.. than i ever have... the man is standing by me... even tho i feel like a complete fuck up at the moment... like a failure really.. i let my mind and my anxieties get the best of me... he's standing by me... telling me that no matter what i do in life.. he'll be proud of me.. that he'll support me and always look out for me.... he calls everyday now... just to chat.. to see how i'm doing.. and we talk about many things.. about problems in each others lives.. trying to comfort each other... I"ve never had a supreme bond with my father... we always helped each other out... but there was always a tention.. that i never saw.. but i knew it existed.. but i wouldn't believe it... but now i feel closer to him than i ever have... I always knew that he was a good man.... a great dad... and i always wanted to be a good son... tho i may have crossed him many times.. and i've done shit that he doesn't really approve of... he's now gonna stand by me... maybe one day.. he'll tell me that he loves me... but i know that hard for him to say.. maybe it's a macho guy thing.. but the last time we told eachother that was when i was probably like ... 6 or so.. haha...
and it's yet to be said by either of us.. but i feel it now... all of my family are concerned about me.. a lot more concerned than i am.. do they see a severity in my current situation that i dont? .. even my nan called me tonight.. to talk to me.. to comfort me.. to tell me that if i ever need anything.. she'll be there....
I've been taking all of this into account.. and i'm starting to wake up in a sense...
I have been living in a dream world almost... I watch too much tv i think.. too many movies.. Ever since i was a kid.... i had my own 'character' made up.. who i was... hahaha.. dreamed of silly shit.. like... for instance... i read a lot of comics.. and always fantisized about having super powers.. hahaha.. sometimes i think that i still dream about it.. that maybe one day it will happen...
Since i've started school... i had some idea of how life was gonna be... you know.. suffer thru the hard shit... hopefully one day do something that i love doing... which i have no idea what that is now.... I live a lot in the past... think of my old bonds with friends.. when i was a kid it was with my cousin teddy... my cubby companion chris lucci.. and i think of the girls that i used to have a crush on before junior high... thats one story.. one movie.. my birth to finishing elementary school.. but after that.. shit changed.. i grew... i changed... i became a new character.. i had new co-stars... new atomospheres... my parents were divorced.. so even a new 'set'.. so began the next saga...
This was junior high...
Growing my hair long.. smoking a lot of pot.. drinking occasionally.. but sticking with teh drugs moreso.. skateboarding... skiing like a fiend... i had energy.. but at the same time.. i craved to fit in... until i came to realize that i never would... that every time i went out on the smoking grounds... with my current girlfriend... and my first lay.... i'd get beat up.. day after day... picked on.... anxieties would build up about going there... knowing that i was gonna get hurt.. but i didnt' care.. i was in self denial that they really didn't like me.. that i was a fucking dork.. an over achieving geek... but i lived thru it.. had crushes... had friends.. had good times and bad... it was a movie about growing and learning... ... than came the summer before high school.. the summer in which the next step in my change began... i gave up drugs.. realizing that i was no longer taking them for enjoyment.. but to keep things 'normal'.. if you meet friends thru drugs.. than you have that bond with them.. but i knew it was time to move on... become just a little more real.. so i stopped.. and my long time friendship with bishop came to a hault.. i mean.. i still talk to him.. maybe a coffee twice a year... but it all ended when i stopped having the drugs in common with him... ... that summer i cut my hair off.. dyed it.. and spiked it... .. end credits.
Open credits... High School.. a new character... a new cast.... familair faces.. .. acquitances that i had in the previous two movies... turned into close friendships.. .. my long time buddy bryan.. we started hanging more... i always knew him.. but he was never a close buddy up to this point.. just a good guy that shared the same crew as me.. .. .. I grew apart from mark and jelle.. the other two main characters from the last movie.... and met tonya.. and yvonne... and jess, who was another familair character.. but not a main one back than... but youc ould tell that the bond with me, bry and jess would probably grow.. in time...
Than came the new characters.... Pete, Jay, Jeff, Smelt.. pike (made appearances before.. but not a frequent one).. brad O, ... Cull... and many more... I kenw the faces.. but didnt' know the people.. Grade ten was one for the 'punks' so to say.. me, bry, pike, cream... teamed up with the grunge kids.. pete, jay, jeff.. etc.. and the girls ... and my bonds with my base crew were quickly dimishing... for they were all moving... i just actually remembered them all.. there are so many characters.. i'd love to write a story about it.. talk about tash roy, brent gallant, chris ... umm.. bursey.. thats it.. kate woodhead.. short jessica... and i know there are more.. the frenchies for christ sakes.. i'm just remembering htese kids now.. fuck sakes.. sean o'shea... my god.. i can't even remember where they fit in.. junior high and grade ten i do believe.. it was a complete melting pot... groups merged and fell apart... some went on to form new groups... like hte burkhart sisters.. who were in the base crowd.. were now frequents in the whole 'punk/grundge' crowds.. i really wish i could get htis all straight.. uggh.. i'm off topic.. anyways.. than came grade 11... bands formed.. out of towners became close friends.. such as KC.. and along with him was mark clarke.. whom always lived here.. but i never associated with him.. but i must say.. the band era was a grand one.. jams at petes... and pikes.. having everyone there... having good fucking times.. all of hte fucking time.. sure there was drama.. nothing that i'd even remmeber tho... than came the foriegner's.. donna came first... hooked up with pete... than came ang and debbie.. friends of donna.. became friends of ours... debbie hooked up with various people and ang hooked up with pike... so we were all joined now in one crew.. tho many members of it.. had resentment for others.. and the backstabbing began.. well not really acts of backstabbing.. .. i just ended up seeing one person become quite two faced and insincere a lot of hte time... well a few were like that... and even in school was a riot... we fucking owned it... got away with everything... old rivalries died.. and it seemed that everyone just let bygones be bygones... .. it was grand.. a grand fuckign time... so many stories.. i really do wish that i kept a day to day journal about all of them.. so i could remember.. and just laugh with the people who matter now..
It was all sucha blur.. and all went by too quick.. but we grew.. and moved on... old as the hills friendships died for me... I remember a time when Tracy Hardiman and I were close... even when we didn't get along.. we were close.. but i havn't talked to her in a few years now.. and it'd be pretty safe to say that she wouldnt' have any interest in sparking up a conversatoin anyways.. and i can't see much being said.. both of us changed.. and grew... and just have separate lives now.. same as brad ... used to be close... but moved on.. when i think aobut htis.. it sadden's me sometimes... tho i dont' sit hre and wish things were any different.. it's life.. accept it and move on.. shit changes.. people change... maybe i'll see them all at a reunion... never know..
Now.. Move on to Chapter four... a new movie.. the college yeras.. hahaha.. think of saved by the bell.. there are friendships that will never die.. and ones did... In saved by the bell it was always Slater, zack, screech, jessie, lisa, and kelly... in the college years... the three boys remained.. as did kelly... but what happened to lisa and jessie? .. they fade out.... as did many close friends that i had.. but many moved on as well... bry, kace, jess, mark... all out in halifax.. than along came jelle for a brief period...
Lost touch with kace.. tho we still talk occationally.. lost complete touch with mark... still remained close with bry.. haha.. no matter what we go through or bicker about.. i'd say that we'll always be in eachothers lives... god that sounded gay but you know what i mean.. since pre school right ? hahaha... grew apart from jess in halifax... talked in goose bay..
Than i met new friends... Dave, bilal, and everyone else on my floor.. and a lot from brys... but as the years went on.. only dave remained... the rest are still fucking awsome folk.. but i formed a close friendship with lalonde.. which really ddint' kick in a whole lot till sometime in second year.. and moreso now that we share an apartment..
anyways.. in second year.. angela came about.. and we grew close... considered her one of my best buds... talked to her about a lot.. tho she never really whined to me... no matter how much i bitched and complained to her... my friendship with heather was rapidly dying... and eventually did die.. .. once again i met a floor full of amazing people.. but expected the samething to happen as it did after first year.. no matter how close you were to those people.. no matter how many secrets were shared.. how many times you cryed on their shoulder.. and they on yours.. the only thing that brought us all together was the fact that we lived on the same floor.. when that was no longer the case.. it all faded.. it's almost as if we all forgot what went on.. I mean.. i still remember spending hours and hours talking to danielle, lyndsey and jodie juiced... opening up to each other.. personal shit.. now i have no idea where the hell juiced is.. i think north is in nfld again.. and well.. no idea bout lyndsay... all is forgotten tho.. as if it never happened... odd how that works.. . same thing as second year.. we grew apart when we didnt' have our floor as something in common.. sure i still talk to them.. but we just dont' talk about much anymore... and it drifts more and more as the days go by.. but thats alright.. it's somethign i expected... it's definately a sad tale.. but hey.. thats that...
IN between all of this.. there were my relationships.. i won't get into those.. but people that meant the world to me.. and still do.. and those that i couldnt' care if i even ran into them again.. those are all long stories.. some longer than others... but just soemthing that would take way too long to write about..

Enough of this incoherant and random stories about my past.. that if read by anyone else... may not make too much sense.. well .. maybe to a few..
As it stands now... there aren't too many left..
Here in halifax.. my close buddies... well are still dave.. angela... and hopefully one day .. maybe megan will be able to consider me a close friend..and feel that she can talk to me as one.. as i really hope that i can one day talk to her as one.. and let hte past be the past.. she's a great girl... someone that i always will trust.. only time will tell on that one tho..
and than there are new friends... andrew.. great guy... .. working with him on music... and it's going well.. definately someone that i hope sticks around for a bit.. .. alexis.. tho we've had our problems.. we're slowing starting to talk again.. maybe shit will work out after all.. never know... another one that time will tell... .. and now even Jess and I are hanging out... outside of goose bay... Tho i know she doesnt' really mix her halifax life with her goose bay life.. .it's nice to get to go out for a dirnk with an old friend..
and than there is another.... a story for another time tho...
and than.. there are the ones that i'm waiting for go finally get their asses out here.. hurry the fuck up bry.. shits not the same dude.. and get that lazy assed lloyd to join ya .. hahaha...

Tonight was an odd night.. sitting here and reflecting on the past... not having any idea of what the future now holds for me... a furture that i once believed that was set in stone is quickly crumbling... and i'm grateful for it.. gives me hope that i can be happy ... maybe i'll find a school.. a career.. a life that makes me happy... but all know now is.. that i'm on my way... shit is startin to look up.. and i thank everyone who has and who is standing by me.. the ones who have my back no matter what.. oh here i go.. all sentimental.. i'm gonna call quits to this entry before i get too much into it.. ugh.. dont you just love my tired rants about shite? hahaha..

Travis posted this at 1:22 AM.

Monday, January 26, 2004

 

ah my.. .its early in the morning... well late at night.. and here i am.. sleepless.. and irritated... and for no reason... my head is killing me.. but thats caused by my 'severe sinus infection' .. but ill get over that...
but lately i've been feeling odd...... but it's a slightly familiar feeling.. and i dont' fucking enjoy it.. ..
i can't sleep
i can't concentrate
i'm irritable and very easily annoyed
I have lost interest in things that i used to love doing... things that i still love doing.. but ... it's gone again.. punk shows... drinking....playing tunes... ETC... things that used to make me smile.. i feel nothing.. blank... ..
my mind is obsessed once again with the thought of death (not as an escape) but as a reality.... not taht i will soon.. but i just feel uneasy about it again.... ...
i never wanna do anything anymore... just fucking sit there ... doing nothing... just fucking existing.. without really existing..
so i have to wonder... why is this coming about? why do I seem to not care... For instance.. school.. something i was doing so fucking well at last term.. i couldn't give a sweet fuck about again... i fucking lost it.. i had control... but i know i lost to fucking depression once again...
i was told once by a doctor that i can't fight it... it's not all in my mind.. and i can't fucking cure myself... but i always thought that i could... and i'll still fight.. but now i'm not just hurting me.. i fear that i may be hurting those around me...or that i will somehow... ..
this friday... i MAY.. not for certain.. but There is a possibility that i'm gonna head down to the clinic... and i'm gonna 'talk' again...and i'm gonna get some fucking help.. or well... at least find out if i need it..
but i hate the idea... first off... i hate the idea of being ... a fucking basket case... ....... taking to a 'shirnk' ... and i hate the idea of not being able to fix myself by myself... .....

I probably sound like a fucking twit... talking like this... ... but i have to get it off my mind.. i can go into so much detail of all the thoughts just fucking whirlwinding around this fucking skull of mine.. but at the moment i'd prefer not to.... ... not right now... i just hope i can get better... that i can fucking care what happens to me.. cause right now.. i fucking don't..
i'm not angry... i'm not sad... i'm not happy... and i'm not anything... fuck it.

Travis posted this at 12:32 AM.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

 

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Travis posted this at 11:40 PM.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

 

Well....quite sick today... I thought i was gonna die last night.. haha. Ever eat a sandwich? ...like too fast? and feel like your throat is clogged up.. ... well my chest and throat felt like that last night...i had a fever.. well it felt like one anyways...and i couldnt' stop coughing....and my head hurt...my stomach was rotten...
Sure i was drinking and all...but not that much.. not enough to be this sick today... god damn... must be a flu...
And tonight i do believe i'm heading to teh seahorse...well after some more recording... i think anyways..... ah. well.. i'm gonna try to keep with the tradition of a daily playlist.... i'll stop after like 4 days and lose interest but for now... haha

1. Bad Astronaut - Disarm
2. Pink Floyd - Mother
3. AFI - The Despair Factor
4. Mark Curry - Perfect Government
5. 88 fingers louie - Worse Man Won
6. Paul Simon - 50 Way to Leave Your Lover
7. Pat Benatar - Invincible
8. Pantera - The Great Southern TreadKill
9. Nofx - Green Corn
10. Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues
11. Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies - Ain't No Sunshine
12. Slayer - Guilty Of Being White (Minor Threat cover)
13. No Doubt - Bathwater
14. TSOL - Code Blue
15. Clash - Hitsville UK
16. Thrice - I've Just Seen A Face
17. Bigwig - War Ensemble (Slayer Cover)
18. Dead Kennedy's - Forward To Death
19. Diesel Boy - Cock Rock
20. Faith No More - Easy

Travis posted this at 2:31 PM.

Friday, January 16, 2004

 

Well...i didn't wanna write a blog...but i'm speechless..what can i say. haha.

so instead i'm gonna do something new....gonna give a "playlist of the day" everyonce and a while. so her goes.

1. Boomtown Rats - I Don't Like Mondays
2. The Dwarves - Lets Fuck.
3. Lou Reed - Perfect Day
4. Rise Against - Anyway You Want It (Journey Cover)
5. Screeching Weasel - Slomotion
6. Urge Overkill - Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon
7. Faith No More - Stripsearch
8. Goldfinger - End Of The Day
9. Leftover Crack - Heroin Or Suicide
10. Misfits - Skulls
11. SNFU - Cannibal Cafe
12. Tony Bennett and Billy Joel - New York State Of Mind.
13. Mad Caddies - Falling Down
14. Elliot Smith - Son Of Sam
15. Mindless Self Indulgence - Clarissa
16. Tiger Army - In The Orchard
17. The Vandals - What About Me?
18. Stiff Little Fingers - Gotta Getaway
19. Poison Idea - Just To Get Away
20. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird

There you go.. no specific theme...just songs that appeal to me as of right now...

Travis posted this at 6:37 AM.